Back to (school) mayhem

October 16, 2017

Cartoon courtesy of Jess Rae of Doodley Squat.

I THOUGHT back to school would see some normality return to my crazy life.
Ha. No such luck.
Because there was absolutely nothing normal about the first week back to school.
I thought I was prepared, that I had planned for every eventuality.
The approved lunches.
The correct uniforms, drycleaned and good to go.
The homework schedule all organised.
What I wasn’t prepared for — and could never had planned for — was the back-to-school morning routine of whining and meltdowns.
‘‘It’s too early.’’ ‘‘I want a warm bath.’’ ‘‘Can’t I come to work with you?’’ ‘‘My hair won’t sit right.’’ ‘‘Where are my favourite socks?’’ ‘‘I need the nail polish remover.’’ ‘‘My zip’s stuck.’’ ‘‘I want juice.’’ ‘‘Where’s my headband? Mum, I’ve lost my special headband.’’ ‘‘My new shoes feel funny.’’ ‘‘My eyes are red.’’ ‘‘My head hurts.’’
Your head hurts?
Oh. My. God.
It was an endless stream of complaints and negotiations.
All of this and it wasn’t even 8am — and it was all before my morning coffee.
My eyes were popping out of my head I was so tired.
Probably because of the four hours’ sleep I got the night before thanks to the dreaded hayfever.
The pollen must have been bad because Ayla and I never get hayfever.
Yet Ayla spent the night in my bed coughing, sneezing and spluttering all over me.
And when she wasn’t, I was.
We all woke up the next morning looking like we’d contracted pink eye.
God, what a sight we must have been heading to school.
Stupid pollen.
And then I had to go to work.
I looked liked I’d spent the entire morning crying my eyes out.
I may well have done for five minutes parked on the side of the road after dropping the kids at school.
But that was more from sheer relief of getting them there in one piece.
Although no-one really needed to know that.
And that was only Monday out of the way.

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