Opinion

Please someone tell me; how do I stop loving food?

by
September 11, 2017

Cartoon courtesy of Jess Rae of Doodley Squat.

IT’S hard to lose weight when you love donuts.

It’s hard to lose weight when you love food, fullstop.
But with spring arriving last week, I can’t keep hiding my body under layers of jeans, jumpers and woolly coats.
And with Christmas not too far away — which means Noosa beach in my language — I am going to have to trim up my bumpy bits before those bikinis come anywhere near me.
Now, don’t get me wrong. I am all for curves, but I think my curves have gained curves over the winter months.
Which means I need to spend the next few months getting back into shape.
I guess that means no more double servings of my morning cereal, no more chocolate with my morning coffee, no more hot donuts when my boss decides to surprise the office with pick-me-up goodies and no more lollies when the sugar craving hits at 3pm.
And definitely no more dessert!
God it’s boring being healthy.
I have tried many diets over the years which all inevitably fail in a gluttonous food frenzy. 
This is followed by hours of sobbing into a pillow, blaming icecream on all the problems in my life.
But it’s true. If ice-cream (or any dairy delicacy) hadn’t been invented, I swear I would be skinny.
And then there’s exercise.
Exercise just for the sake of exercise has never been my idea of fun.
The last time I was talked into doing boot camp, I busted my butt lugging tyres uphill while the sand went down my throat, carrying kegs on 30 degree days when I should have been drinking beer out of them and doing stupid burpees at 6 in the am.
It was relentless torture and after four weeks, I hadn’t lost a kilo.
Never again. Team sport is more my thing. The more competitive, the better.
Maybe if they made dieting competitive, with the biggest loser winning a prize (because losing the weight isn’t really going to cut it), I would be more successful.
Now there’s an idea.

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