Sleep, glorious sleep

May 01, 2017

Cartoon by Jess Rae of Doodley Squat.


One of my favourite past-times.

Why they say ‘I slept like a baby’ I will never understand.

In my experiences, sleep was the last thing on my babies’ minds.

They should say: “I slept like a 39-year-old single working mother”.

Unfortunately, sleep has been eluding me these last few weeks.

Whether it’s too many things on my mind keeping me up, or being woken up by children’s nightmares countless times in the night, I just can’t seem to get enough shut eye.

I’m not exactly a picture of emotional stability on a good day, so if you’re lucky enough to bump into me when I’m sleep deprived, all I can say is ‘I’m sorry’.

I’ve never coped well with limited sleep.

I’m fuzzy in the head, slow, confused and very, very grumpy.

The first six months’ of Ayla’s life is a complete blur.

I was basically a zombie.

Such as the day I couldn’t decide whether to clean the house or go to sleep so I simply shuffled around in circles.

Another time I was taking the girls for a walk when Maya was a baby and I forgot how to get home.

It was like I was stuck in a maze in a foreign city.

I flew to Queensland last weekend for my nephew’s christening and, as you may already know, I am not the world’s best flyer.

So I decided a shot of whiskey would help calm the pre-flight nerves.

And it did – as well as knocking me out for most of the trip.

However, I kept nodding off onto the shoulder of the woman next to me.

And whenever there was the slightest bit of turbulence, my whole body would jolt upright and start preparing for my imminent fiery death, scaring the hell out of my mild-mannered neighbour.

So not exactly the most relaxing flight.

And I’m just going to write-off sleep during the three nights I spent in Noosa.

You never sleep as well in a bed that’s not your own — or more to the point with a pillow that’s not yours.

I have a special chiropractic recommended latex pillow which is perfect for a side sleeper like me.

Unfortunately for me, mum’s pillows are so bloody thin, I have to use about 10 to get any neck support.

And then my two-year-old niece thought it would be fun to wake up at 5.30 every morning and scream at my sister ‘wake up mummy, I’m hungry! I want Maui (aka the movie Moana)!’

And my sister is a heavy sleeper.

So, I join in the cacophony, ‘Signe (my sister), feed your bloody child!’

Yep, I’m up.

It’s now five days later and I can’t say I’ve had a good night’s sleep since.

So as I write this column, I am struggling to put a sentence together let alone come up with a witty conclusion.

So I won’t.

(And she didn’t – editor’s footnote).

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