I KNOW now why they say you shouldn’t get drunk/too drunk at the work Christmas party.
Surely you recall that dreaded feeling ‘what did I do last night?’ — I did as I struggled into consciousness and found myself surrounded by several Christmas presents (none addressed to me) and my little black dress covered with about 50 stick-on name tags (49 of them not mine).
Yet it all started so innocently.
A chartered bus from Echuca to Shepparton with about 12 of my work colleagues.
With maybe a few G&Ts to get into the mood.
And a couple of songs.
We got to the function centre, which was pretty fancy, and I was about to be responsible and have a glass of water when I realised there was punch.
Not just any punch either. Here be champagne punch.
It doesn’t taste alcoholic though. It must be pretty weak, so I’ll just go another.
So we start socialising, networking, you know.
It gets cold. Too cold for punch.
Ah, the Pinot will warm me up.
God, I’m smart.
Speeches starting, so I’ll definitely need a top up.
Wow, that went down smoothly.
I must remember what that bottle was called. I’ll just go check.
Door prizes. Yay!! My chance to win something.
There’s 25 prizes for crying out loud, I’m bound to win something!
Well, they called out every number but mine.
Where the bloody hell did that Pinot go?
Oh, the band is starting. I love to dance.
To music that is.
I can’t even begin to explain what was coming out of that singer’s mouth even allowing I wasn’t hearing straight.
Holy cow, this is going to be a long night.
I better take one for the team.
So I have another wine to drown out the ‘tunes’ and get on the dance floor so everyone else is not the first one forced to trip the light fantastic — or just trip.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a man with about six name tags stuck on him.
But I set the bar a little higher.
Getting the name tags without the owner realising.
One belonging to an editor, with fiancé in tow, who is not likely to ever offer me a job was one of those people after discovering his name on my heaving bosom.
All I care to say is that the said name tag was removed ever so delicately without anyone actually having to touch it.
Then there was the case of the Christmas presents.
Everyone got their own portable phone chargers, which was a pretty good gift.
But half of them were left on the table unclaimed. Bit of a waste if you ask me.
Although it was not my conscious idea, I may have snagged a few.
It was a bit of a shame I only brought my small handbag because I could have made a fortune.
In the light of day, I felt a little guilty about what I did, so if there is anyone in the McPherson Media Group wondering where their present went, contact me. No questions asked – or answered.
I am still thanking my lucky stars there wasn’t a photocopying machine there (for those personal close ups).