Hello, and welcome to my whacky world!
How do I compete with the Monday Musings of Natalie Durrant? The woman has hundreds, no, thousands of fans out there who buy Monday’s paper just to read her witty observations of life in general. But after 16 years at the Riv, she has left us to experience a little bit more of life rather than observing and reporting on it. So, with much trepidation, I have taken over her column.
Under pressure to deliver, I must admit I have procrastinated a little too long, with my editor continually asking me ‘have you written your first column yet?’ Well, here it is. I am a working mum with two daughters, so I do have something in common with Nat. And that’s probably where our similarities end. Nat grew up on the farm; I was born in the snowy Scandinavian country of Denmark. Nat is organised and practical; I am disorganised and idealistic. And I’m pretty sure her household is generally calm and routined.
Let’s just say mine is not.
Although I am a happily divorced single mother, life can get a bit tricky when you’re the only one juggling household chores and two school-aged girls who love to test the boundaries. Yes, they are my whole world and I love them dearly, but sometimes I just want to lock them in the garage while they sort out their differences. Wait, I’ve already done that.
Fortunately, by the time my eye starts twitching, leave my car running in the carpark while I head to work and I start drinking wine in a sippy cup on weeknights, the girls head off to their father’s and stepmother’s. So I get to save my breakdown for another day. Winning! Don’t get me wrong. I (mostly) love my chaotic, crazy, event-filled life. It’s certainly not boring and, one day, I will miss it.
The days when my daughter is having too much fun playing that she forgets to hop on the bus, my other daughter has a meltdown because “it’s all my fault”, I get the third nits alert from the school in as many months, I can’t remember where I parked my car and realise my top has been on backwards at work all day. At the end of the day, I just have to laugh. Otherwise I’ll cry and three crying girls in my house is not a pretty sight.
So until the calm resumes to my life, I will dedicate this column, aptly known as Mama Mayhem, to my many misfortunes and occasional good fortunes. And hopefully you can have a laugh at my expense along the way. After all, if we can’t laugh at ourselves, what hope have we got?
- Ivy Wise